Time to get S E R I O U S.

I’ve realized that I may have been in a hurry or scattered or jet lagged or something when I set my goals for this most recent challenge. I keep forgetting the goals I set. I’ve pushed them aside and focused on all the wrong things. It’s like I said the words but didn’t really internalize them or something.

I’ve also been very down and negative. Why? It’s time to make a serious change in my mental attitude. Tom is so good about reminding us how important having a Positive Mental Attitude is. It’s all about the PMA. Then I read Stef’s Positive Posting entry today and something clicked. Duh. Finally. They’re both so right. It’s totally a mental game.

I’m not exactly sure why but I haven’t been in it mentally. I can’t put my finger on the reason. I hope the “why” isn’t important in overcoming this… I feel like something is starting to click. I’m on a positive road right now and I’m determined to stay en route.

I did complete 1.75 days of cleansing fast (Master Cleanse aka Lemonade diet) and while I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT think this is a good idea for anyone to try, I think it did help alter my thoughts about food and seemed to help me focus a little on what I need to do in order to overcome my food issues. The crazy (and SCAREY) thing is that I feel it’s almost easier to eat nothing at all than to control my portions at meals or control binges. The way an alcoholic can’t stop at one drink, I can’t stop at the correct portion sizes. Instead of one tablespoon of natural peanut butter, I consume SEVERAL tablespoons. I’ve got a few strategies lined out that I think will help with this.

I decided to “break the fast” with dinner last night. I grilled some ground chicken patties, cooked up some brown rice and steamed some snow peas. It was delicious. I did have a little more than I should have, but I was freakin’ hungry. Today’s food portions have been stellar. We had a company lunch and I left half of everything on the plate – and I know how to get a plate good and clean. We all know how large restaurant portions are so I feel really good about myself.

I see my doctor about my hamstring and knee tomorrow morning and I’m hoping it’s a simple fix like wearing a knee brace. I’m really hoping rest isn’t required. I really want to be able to max out on my workouts and hit my 10’s in cardio and lower body. The knee and hammy are actually feeling a little bit better today, so maybe it’s no big thing.

Oh, and thanks to Erin’s post, I kicked ASS at the gym this morning. Uh huh.

I’m starting to feel excited again. I’m back in the game. I’m getting focused. For real this time, Aiight?!