Monday, July 31, 2006

Thank you. =)

You all are so great and so very helpful. Thank you for taking time to comment and advise. I sincerely appreciate the feedback. I don’t like to talk to anyone in my “real” life about any hiccups J and I experience… it just doesn’t feel right to air our laundry to others and I know he wouldn’t appreciate it, but I feel safe putting it out here because you only “know” me and I know you won’t judge J. He’s the finest man I know and I’m afraid the majority (not all, but most) of any problems we have is my fault – or simply imagined. Anyway, I brought up the idea of counseling and he wasn’t really into it. He actually doesn’t understand why I think it would be a good idea – but he encouraged me to see someone if I felt it would help and he said he would read some marriage books with me.

I also might make an appointment with a doctor I saw about 3 years ago during the height of my depression. He’s the nicest guy and was very helpful. I always felt immediately better after an appointment. Although I no longer deal with depression, I suffer tremendously with self-doubt and such a pathetic lack of confidence. It’s really rather disgusting. I’m constantly reading and trying to improve myself, but for some reason I’m struggling to see my worth. It’s ridiculous. Bah. I will overcome this so I can be the person I want to be. I am my own worse enemy and I need to stop before my fears become a self-fulfilled prophecy.

We had a wonderful time on our camping trip and things are going well with us... I just want to enjoy a very fulfilled and happy marriage and I want to do all I can to ensure our love remains strong.

16 Comments:

At 7:41 PM, Blogger Connie said...

I'm so happy to hear that you no longer deal with depression...I suffer from severe bouts and it's crippling.

Although it's nice to have a place to put this stuff...I will let you know that people tend to find you no matter how anonymous you try to be! (I say that from personal experience and I'm sure a few others have found the same thing happening)

Anyhoo, with that being said, I hope things are settling down...I'm sending some great big virtual hugs!!

 
At 8:52 PM, Blogger Jennifer said...

I just know things will be okay with you two. If he's willing to read some books with you on the topic, you have a great start. I think he'll come around about going with you too. He just needs some time to be open about it. A lot of men are nervous about talking about personal things with an outsider too. The important thing here, is that you two have already started on working through it! I think you would benefit from going on your own, and he can join in anytime. Yes..I do believe you two will be just fine!

 
At 9:41 PM, Blogger Melissa said...

I know what you mean about talking about these things here vs. "real" life. It's so good to be able to get your feelings out and get some outside advice from those who won't judge ;) I hope things get better for you, and although I don't have any profound advice, I will always offer a big ((HUG)) =)

 
At 6:27 AM, Blogger Brit-Man said...

Rachel, I'm glad things are working out for you. I think you and J will be okay.

Nothing is your fault okay :-). It's probably the same for many people in the first few years, when the fun of dating has gone, and marriage brings more seriousness and the expectation to live up to the wedding vows.

I think nobody can truly be married to someone who is 100% matched. Even the most compatible people will probably have little moments just now and again, where they don't know how to approach certain issues. That's why life is one long endless learning curve.

As for self doubt and confidence, you needn't doubt yourself. You should see one of your old blog pics, and the one of you snorkelling. You have achieved some wonderful results, you are looking superb, and you should feel so proud of yourself, and you deserve to embrace yourself, and feel how you want to, about your overall look and yourself as person.

You and J will be fine, nothing is your fault, you're doing great putting your 50% into the marriage, just like he probably is too.

You're probably just going through some "human" patches, and exploring the emotional sides of your marriage a little deeper.

You'll work things out Rachel.

You're a wonderful warm person, and I think he knows and appreciates that.

GOOD LUCK, and don't stop believing and trusting in yourself. You deserve your marriage and life, and you are getting some great physical results.

YOU CAN SUCCEED. FACT!!!!!!!

Thanks a lot for the inspiration and support. It means so much.

:-) :-) :-) :-)

Matt

 
At 6:28 AM, Blogger Mari said...

Sounds like a good plan. It will all work out. Just hang in there OK. You guys will find the way.
{{HUGS}}<3Mari

 
At 10:39 AM, Blogger Chérie said...

I think we're married to the same guy! Those are exactly the things LB said to me when I brought up the idea of counseling. He thinks we can improve, but he also thinks our life together is wonderful- you only need counseling if things are bad.

I wish I could bonk you over the head with how wonderful and worthy you are.

And, I'm SO disappointed you didn't make it out here! Anytime, I would absolutely love to meet up.

 
At 8:06 AM, Blogger Big Mofo said...

Good deal Rach.

:)

 
At 1:32 PM, Blogger Pamela said...

Sorry I was a away during your rough days sweetie!
I wish I could come down there & shake you & make you see just what sort of amazing, wonderful woman you are!!!

YOu are hon...Very,very special & I mean that as sincerly as it ever could be meant .
but I do understand the whole process of self doubt.. I do ..

Glad that the camping went well ..hope you guys find a way to "talk" thru everything you need to :)

((BIG HUGS))

 
At 5:08 PM, Blogger Erin said...

I think the fact that you were able to talk about it and that he was receptive to at least doing something to help you feel better is a good sign. I really do wish you guys all the best and I hope for you to be able to feel more of the giddiness you get when you talk about how he is the most wonderful man in the world. :)

 
At 6:59 AM, Blogger Mari said...

Hi
oxox

 
At 7:59 AM, Blogger Dub said...

One thing I learned (a bit too late) was jujitsu. Its a form of martial art, but when those principles are applied to conflict in a relationship they have amazing results! If he says "i'm going fishing", you, instead of putting up a fuss or making conflict, say..."o.k....have a great time!" (not that you don't, but using this as an example). also, do this with yourself! if you have self-doubts, simply tell yourself its o.k. to want that, need that, etc..whatever it is. and if your husband is open to it, have him practice that on you when he initially wants to contradict your goings-on. don't push him on the counseling...him reading books is a good start as long as the communication is open. maybe it will come later.

glad to hear you're doing better....gotta love camping. be good and true to yourself...all else is candy. xo Patrick

 
At 8:09 PM, Blogger Jen said...

Little bumps in the road, that's normal. You'll get over them together and come out stronger in the end - if you communicate. It's obvious your heart is in the right place so J is going to respond to that.

I'm so glad you had fun camping. Have faith in yourself!

 
At 8:43 PM, Blogger chantal2bfit said...

I'm so happy things are going better for you two. ((HUGS))

 
At 8:22 AM, Blogger Kana said...

Hey girl..hope you are smiling and doing well. Enjoy your weekend. Dede

 
At 6:02 PM, Blogger Becoming_Me said...

Even if right now, he's not really interested in going to counseling himself, the fact that he's willing to read some books with you, shows he's supportive.

I think I mentioned it in my last comment, but when I started counseling, my hubby didn't come, but we made changes together, based on me going, and talking to him about my sessions.

Hugs!

 
At 9:22 PM, Blogger Kim Rush 2112 said...

I missed giving you advice on the previous post, but I wanted to drop by to say I'm thinking about you!

 

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