25 things about me.

1. My ethnicity is half Italian and the rest American (mixture of French, English, possibly Irish, etc.). My maternal grandparents immigrated to the US from Italy, but didn’t teach their children to speak the language; hence, the language wasn’t passed on to me. This really makes me sad. One day I will learn to speak Italian. It’s a beautiful language.

2. If I have a natural born talent, it has yet to be discovered. I can’t sing. I can’t draw or paint. I don’t play an instrument. I do a violin that was passed down from my great grandmother. I’ve been procrastinating about taking lessons because it’s my secret hope that I’m a gifted violinist, but my secret fear is that I won’t be good at all.

3. I procrastinate like crazy. I’ve always been a procrastinator, even as a small child. It’s something I’ve never outgrown. I’ve gotten better over the past couple of years, but it’s still pretty bad.

4. My paternal grandfather swears we’re related to Princess Diana (Stewart blood) and says John Wilkes Booth is also a distant relative. I refuse to believe the latter.

5. I don’t *see* the color of people’s skin and I can’t fathom why someone would choose to be racist (if they weren’t taught to be) even though my own family has been known to judge a person based on race. When I was 11 or 12 years old my father told me if I ever married out of my race, he would disown me.

6. I’m married to a Chinese man. My father loves him.

7. I didn’t tell my family about my marriage for over a year (see #5 above).

8. I do NOT have sophisticated taste when it comes to movies… My favorites are funny and immature. Old School, School of Rock, Wedding Crashers, The Great White Hype, Nothing to Lose… I’m so looking forward to Nacho Libre.

9. I’m afraid of having children because they vomit. I can’t see, smell, hear someone else vomit without becoming ill myself. I don’t have the vomit phobia (it does exist, “emetophobia” - http://www.emetophobia.org), but seeing/hearing/smelling someone vomit is a seriously traumatic experience for me.

10. I believe in God, but I am not a religious person. I would consider myself spiritual. I don’t believe there is one “true” religion or any “wrong” religions.

11. My mother is a Jehovah’s Witness and her constant preaching pushed a wedge so far between us that I haven’t spoken to her in over 8 years. I don’t dislike her; I simply can’t bear to listen to her drone on and on. I feel like a bad person for pushing her out of my life and struggle with this guilt tremendously but don’t know what to do about it.

12. At my most depressed, I entertained thoughts of suicide. I don’t think I ever would have gone through with it, but I figured out exactly how I would do it and that frightened me enough to schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist.

13. My favorite music right now is lounge/chill/world music. It’s sexy and relaxing.

14. I’m obsessed with my appearance and think I have freakish features. Sometimes I fantasize about being rich enough to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on cosmetic surgery (all facial). And maybe a boob job. After these “fantasies” I become consumed with guilt because of all the misfortune in this world and here I am obsessing about my physical imperfections.

15. I HATE having my picture taken. Sometimes I cry when I see myself in photos.

16. I’ve never seen the Exorcist and never, ever will. I won’t even let my husband bring that movie in the house.

17. I laugh and talk in my sleep. The other morning I woke myself up laughing and my husband tells me I laugh at least once a week during sleep. =P

18. I was a very skinny child. I was always having too much fun playing outside to think about eating.

19. I grew up with lots of goats, ducks, geese, chickens, a turkey, horses, dogs, and cats. I love all animals, but I'm not overly fond of cats.

20. My greatest asset and my greatest weakness are one and the same: I’m extremely sensitive. It’s my greatest asset because I’m very compassionate and caring and my weakest because I allow incidental things to hurt my feelings or I care too much about the plight and pain of others and allow myself to *feel* the pain too intensely.

21. I watched the movie, The Notebook, something like 11 consecutive times in the same weekend and cried. Every. Single. Time. The Noteblook is the one book I’ve read where I’ve thought the movie was much better.

22. My idea of a perfect vacation is a deserted tropical island, my husband, our dog, a few close friends and a staff willing to cater to our every whim, including keeping my dog safe while we’re out playing. Recreation would include kayaking, snorkeling, sailing, fishing, sleeping…. Ahhhh, sounds lovely. I’d also like to rent a houseboat in the Bahamas. Or a yacht!

23. I’m somewhat reserved and quiet. Not a wallflower, but not the center of attention… until I get a few drinks in me. People always tell me, “You are SO much fun when you drink! I can’t believe how funny you are!” - which of course makes me feel wonder exactly how boring I am when sober. I don’t really think that’s the case, but all my inhibitions go out the window after a shot or two of whatever. I do love to drink and have fun… it only it was more productive to my fitness goals.

24. I have serious self-confidence issues. I wish I didn’t care what other people thought of me. I hate to be judged.

25. I don’t mind doing laundry, but I hate to iron, fold, or put away.

I still haven’t gotten in to see a new doctor yet. I will update on that soon. I do feel a bit better and I’m confident that I don’t have lupus or anything serious. =P