Tuesday, May 30, 2006

I feel special.

I was tagged by the legendary muscle head,Jim. How cool is that? =P

OK, here goes…

I am: bummed out that my adorable little dog peed on my brand new sisal rug. I am even more bummed that I didn’t read the care instructions before saturating with Urine Gone. I’m most bummed that my beautiful new rug has a colorfast stain that I don’t know how to remove.

I want: a hard body without all the hard work.

I hate: being unsatisfied with my appearance.

I miss: my beaner (a.k.a. Jasmine). She was “my” first dog and she passed away four years ago last Saturday. She was nothing but sweetness and love.

I fear: my husband will inherit his mother’s early on-set Alzheimer’s. It’s truly my greatest fear.

I wonder: how Karla is doing with her pregnancy. I miss her.

I regret: not being as dedicated as I need to be to meet my fitness goals. But my biggest regret is that I let a man come between me and my best friend many, many years ago… it’s a long, sad story.

I am not: loving yardwork as much as I thought I would.

I dance: best when I’ve had a few drinks. I don’t care what I look like and have soo much fun.

I sing: operatic songs to my dog.

I cry: mostly when I’m alone. I hate to cry in front of others.

I am not always: as creative as I’d like to be with these blog lists. I always think of better things to write after I’ve already posted.

I make with my hands: a separate dinner for myself (clean)and a separate dinner for my husband every night. The way to his heart is definitely through his stomach.

I write: little love notes to my husband when I leave for the store or a trip or wherever. I recently found a box where he keeps them. I assumed he threw them away…

I confuse: myself when I over-analyze things.

I need: a pedicure. And some new clothes.

I should: stop procrastinating about my violin lessons.

I start: every day by giving my husband a head and neck massage.

I finish: my day with my dog curled in my arms.

Whew. I finished. It’s been a crazy, busy day. Things are fine with my husband and me. Again, thank you all so much for your wisdom. More to come tomorrow or the next day… it’s going to be a busy week.

For now, I tag Cherie and Erin.

xo, Rachel

Thursday, May 25, 2006

What do people REALLY want from a relationship?

Bear with me. I’ve only had two hours of sleep and my brain isn’t functioning at it’s highest, so this post isn’t very cohesive…

On to my question... What do people REALLY want from a relationship?

Is it possible to be too giving? Does it encourage the recipient to take advantage of the giver or resent the giver or become bored with the giver? Do you think it’s true that in a relationship one person loves more than the other? Is it possible to maintain the intensity of love in a relationship? Or is it cyclic?

All those nice things I said about my husband… I’m temporarily rescinding my previous comments. I know we’ll overcome this current hiccup, but right now I’m really questioning some things about our relationship. I want to be my true self – and that happens to be loving and giving, but at what cost? I believe we all deserve to feel cherished in our relationships and I certainly don’t feel that today.

He had lasik surgery on both eyes last week. There was a complication and he had to have seven stitches in one eye to stabilize the flap that gets cut prior to the laser part of the procedure. He was also told he has glaucoma (but needs to schedule a visit with his regular optometrist to confirm the diagnosis), so perhaps he’s feeling overwhelmed and scared about his vision and he lashed out at me because he doesn't know what to do with that fear? He certainly hasn't expressed any concern to me, but he always wears a brave face, so who knows what's going on in his head. Even if that's the case, I can’t give him a pass for his very hurtful comment that made me question why he even asked me to marry him.

Or maybe I think there was some truth to his comment and the truth hurts??? Maybe I’m being too sensitive?

I went up to bed and he eventually came up to apologize… but only after his show was over (it was the season finale of LOST). I think that’s what hurts the most. He realized he needed to apologize, but he couldn’t be bothered until after the show??? Ouch. I’m upstairs with my heart thumping in my throat and he couldn’t pull himself away from the damn T.V. I don’t feel very high on his priority list. Perhaps I should have told him I accepted his apology and moved on, but I asked him to please stop (he was kissing my face) and he ended up sleeping on the couch for the first time in our five-year relationship. I left for work this morning without even saying goodbye. I never know how to handle conflict.


Friday, May 19, 2006

Life isn’t always how it appears…

My dad always told me, “Believe nothing that you hear and half of what you see.” I might need to revise that after seeing these retouched photos. Very interesting.


I’m seriously not in the mood to blog about fitness. Bleh. Eating is pretty good, but I’ve TOTALLY lost that loving feeling again. In fact, as soon as I made the “Personal Best Challenge” proclamation, my desire went out the window. I’ll get my mojo back. I will. I will. I will. I love fitness. I love working out. I loooooooove it.

Oh, thanks for wishing me luck on the sprinkler project. It actually got delayed. We were going in halfsies with a friend on a rototiller thingamabob and he had something come up.

Friday, May 12, 2006

I didn’t feel like blogging about fitness this week. 26-50:

26. I’m an infomercial junkie. I always believe the product will perform exactly as stated and constantly have to talk myself out of making a purchase. Walgreens carries many items “as seen on TV” and if I can’t resist and have to try something I’ve seen, I’ll usually buy from there. Items I have purchased: Split Ender, Eggstractor, that spinning brush made by the same company as the Split Ender, MaxiGlide (the only item I love). Thankfully I found a helpful website when I get a sudden urge to make a purchase (informercial-reviews.org). The Eggstractor sucked so badly. When I had a moving sale, I couldn’t even sell it for $5 in good conscious. I paid $12.99 but ended up giving it away

27. I am terrible at folding laundry. Maybe that’s why I hate doing it. I’m thinking of getting one of those Flip-n-Fold gadgets I saw on an infomercial…

28. I’m almost 2 years older than my husband but he is leaps and bounds ahead of me in wisdom.

29. I’ve always been attracted to men who are smarter than me. Intelligence is sexy.

30. I love my husband for his intelligence, but I love him even more for his sense of humor and quick wit. He makes me laugh all the time. He’s also one of the most charismatic and instantly likeable people I’ve ever known. I think this photo captures some of his energy.

31. I turned 29 on 02/02/02. I’ll be 49 on 2/2/22.

32. I got my first gray hair when I was 23, but I only get a few “sprouts” every few months. I pluck them out immediately.

33. I’m afraid of heights.

34. I’d be in heaven if I could hang out with a family of meerkats. They are so darn cute. I also find the three-toed sloth a fascinating creature and I love baby primates – baby gorillas and orangutans are so precious. If I liked human babies as much, I’d certainly already be a mother.

35. I’ve never liked any of Oprah’s book club recommendations.

36. I’m afraid I don’t have a biological clock and would be perfectly content without children.

37. I’m not a natural born leader. I’m an excellent team player and fiercely independent but lack leadership skills. I would like to change this aspect about me.

38. I bought approximately 50 pairs of jeans from eBay. I was desperately trying to replace my favorite worn out pair of Guess jeans that are no longer made. I was never successful in finding the exact size, length or style combo. My eBay shopping turned into a seriously expensive addiction. Now I try not to visit eBay unless it’s an absolute necessity.

39. I’ve only chatted online once. It was with Muscles Marinara and Cheryl Muir. They were both really funny and sweet.

40. I was on the cross-country team in high school. The best I ever placed in an event was 10th. There were only 16 people racing that day.

41. Having the hiccups puts me in a grumpy mood. If I have the hiccups once in the morning, they will continue intermittently throughout the day. The only ways I can get rid of the hiccups is to drink 10 sips of water – and if that doesn’t work – drink 10 sips of water upside down.

42. Many of my closest friends are men.

43. When I was a child someone told me you could freeze a lizard and it would come back to life once it thawed. I couldn’t catch a lizard so I put a frog in the big freezer out in the barn. I forgot about it for several months and when I rediscovered it and thawed it out, it didn’t come back to life. The freezer never smelled right after that either.

44. I’d rather be really hot than really cold. Several years ago my sister and I were driving from Colorado to California on Christmas. Her car broke down about 45 minutes outside of Las Vegas (between Vegas and Baker) at 3:00 in the morning. It was so bloody cold. This was before everyone had cell phones so we were stuck in the desert for hours. I decided that night that I’d rather die in the Sahara than freeze in the Mojave (if I had to choose or had a choice, that is).

45. I was born with naturally straight hair. About 5 years ago it started turning wavy. (I was diagnosed with thyroid disease 5 years ago in June… I wonder if there’s a connection.)

46. I do not enjoy talking on the phone. I’d much rather talk face-to-face.

47. I have little tolerance for mediocrity or doing a half-assed job.

48. I completed the Portland Marathon on September 30, 2001. In the first mile of the race, I tripped and fell over some railroad tracks and sprained my ankle. I ran the entire first 17 miles of the race. Mile 18 was a grueling hill and I thought I couldn’t continue. I walked some / ran some for the remaining race, but wanted to jump off the bridge to my death somewhere before mile 21. It was awful. I’m very proud that I finished the race, but I am disappointed in my time of a little over 6 hours. I may decide to complete another marathon in the future just so I could have a more respectable finish time.

49. I’m very handy and enjoy manual labor. I’ve helped friends build fences, frame and drywall, I’ve painted almost all 5,000 square feet of our office space in an old-world faux finish, refinished furniture, installed sod, refinished my dad’s hardwood floors, and countless other do-it-yourself jobs. This weekend I’ll begin installing a sprinkler system in our backyard. I felt very confident in my ability to tackle this project until I started researching the how-to’s online. I hope I’m not in over my head.

50. One of the greatest compliments I’ve ever been given was from one of my closest male friends. He’s in his forties and has a daughter in her 20’s. His daughter is the most amazing young woman. She’s smart and compassionate and tons of fun. Once he told me I reminded him of her. You’d have to know her to know how much that meant to me.

- - - - - - - -

Have a great weekend ya’ll. Wish me luck on the sprinkler project!

Monday, May 08, 2006

25 things about me.

1. My ethnicity is half Italian and the rest American (mixture of French, English, possibly Irish, etc.). My maternal grandparents immigrated to the US from Italy, but didn’t teach their children to speak the language; hence, the language wasn’t passed on to me. This really makes me sad. One day I will learn to speak Italian. It’s a beautiful language.

2. If I have a natural born talent, it has yet to be discovered. I can’t sing. I can’t draw or paint. I don’t play an instrument. I do a violin that was passed down from my great grandmother. I’ve been procrastinating about taking lessons because it’s my secret hope that I’m a gifted violinist, but my secret fear is that I won’t be good at all.

3. I procrastinate like crazy. I’ve always been a procrastinator, even as a small child. It’s something I’ve never outgrown. I’ve gotten better over the past couple of years, but it’s still pretty bad.

4. My paternal grandfather swears we’re related to Princess Diana (Stewart blood) and says John Wilkes Booth is also a distant relative. I refuse to believe the latter.

5. I don’t *see* the color of people’s skin and I can’t fathom why someone would choose to be racist (if they weren’t taught to be) even though my own family has been known to judge a person based on race. When I was 11 or 12 years old my father told me if I ever married out of my race, he would disown me.

6. I’m married to a Chinese man. My father loves him.

7. I didn’t tell my family about my marriage for over a year (see #5 above).

8. I do NOT have sophisticated taste when it comes to movies… My favorites are funny and immature. Old School, School of Rock, Wedding Crashers, The Great White Hype, Nothing to Lose… I’m so looking forward to Nacho Libre.

9. I’m afraid of having children because they vomit. I can’t see, smell, hear someone else vomit without becoming ill myself. I don’t have the vomit phobia (it does exist, “emetophobia” - http://www.emetophobia.org), but seeing/hearing/smelling someone vomit is a seriously traumatic experience for me.

10. I believe in God, but I am not a religious person. I would consider myself spiritual. I don’t believe there is one “true” religion or any “wrong” religions.

11. My mother is a Jehovah’s Witness and her constant preaching pushed a wedge so far between us that I haven’t spoken to her in over 8 years. I don’t dislike her; I simply can’t bear to listen to her drone on and on. I feel like a bad person for pushing her out of my life and struggle with this guilt tremendously but don’t know what to do about it.

12. At my most depressed, I entertained thoughts of suicide. I don’t think I ever would have gone through with it, but I figured out exactly how I would do it and that frightened me enough to schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist.

13. My favorite music right now is lounge/chill/world music. It’s sexy and relaxing.

14. I’m obsessed with my appearance and think I have freakish features. Sometimes I fantasize about being rich enough to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on cosmetic surgery (all facial). And maybe a boob job. After these “fantasies” I become consumed with guilt because of all the misfortune in this world and here I am obsessing about my physical imperfections.

15. I HATE having my picture taken. Sometimes I cry when I see myself in photos.

16. I’ve never seen the Exorcist and never, ever will. I won’t even let my husband bring that movie in the house.

17. I laugh and talk in my sleep. The other morning I woke myself up laughing and my husband tells me I laugh at least once a week during sleep. =P

18. I was a very skinny child. I was always having too much fun playing outside to think about eating.

19. I grew up with lots of goats, ducks, geese, chickens, a turkey, horses, dogs, and cats. I love all animals, but I'm not overly fond of cats.

20. My greatest asset and my greatest weakness are one and the same: I’m extremely sensitive. It’s my greatest asset because I’m very compassionate and caring and my weakest because I allow incidental things to hurt my feelings or I care too much about the plight and pain of others and allow myself to *feel* the pain too intensely.

21. I watched the movie, The Notebook, something like 11 consecutive times in the same weekend and cried. Every. Single. Time. The Noteblook is the one book I’ve read where I’ve thought the movie was much better.

22. My idea of a perfect vacation is a deserted tropical island, my husband, our dog, a few close friends and a staff willing to cater to our every whim, including keeping my dog safe while we’re out playing. Recreation would include kayaking, snorkeling, sailing, fishing, sleeping…. Ahhhh, sounds lovely. I’d also like to rent a houseboat in the Bahamas. Or a yacht!

23. I’m somewhat reserved and quiet. Not a wallflower, but not the center of attention… until I get a few drinks in me. People always tell me, “You are SO much fun when you drink! I can’t believe how funny you are!” - which of course makes me feel wonder exactly how boring I am when sober. I don’t really think that’s the case, but all my inhibitions go out the window after a shot or two of whatever. I do love to drink and have fun… it only it was more productive to my fitness goals.

24. I have serious self-confidence issues. I wish I didn’t care what other people thought of me. I hate to be judged.

25. I don’t mind doing laundry, but I hate to iron, fold, or put away.

I still haven’t gotten in to see a new doctor yet. I will update on that soon. I do feel a bit better and I’m confident that I don’t have lupus or anything serious. =P

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Does anyone know if there is such a thing as an inflammation disorder?

I literally feel like I’m falling apart. I’ve had CHRONIC shin splints for the past year and a half, that knee inflammation episode (which flared up again, by the way), and recently I’ve been experiencing pain in my other knee as well as one of my elbows. I’m wondering if my entire body is under an attack of inflammation. My pain/discomfort isn't debilitating to my every day activities, but it sure is putting a damper on my fitness goals.

My doctor advised me to take four Aleve per day for inflammation of the knee for 21 days. Would there be a potential long-term risk of taking four a day forever? Does anyone know of any natural remedies for inflammation? Is it an autoimmune problem related to my thyroid? By the way, I don’t care to discuss my thyroid problem anymore. I sometimes find myself blaming every little health ailment on my stupid thyroid and it irritates the heck out of me. It’s just a stupid little thyroid. It’s nothing. It’s a common ailment. I need to stop thinking about it.

Let me just sum this post up by saying that Day 2 of my Personal Best Challenge sucked. My workout this morning SUCKED BALLS. Everything hurt. Diet is OK. Water could be better. Thanks for the diet recommendation, Jim. I do try to eat lots of fibrous veggies, but definitely could be more consistent.

Today’s Meals:
M1: Egg whites, banana, pb (have read recently that you should combine protein and fat or protein and carb, but not a carb and a fat together. Can anyone shed any light on this?)
M2: Apple, tuna
M3: Swordfish, salad (yummy lunch w/a friend)
M4: Chicken breast, lima beans, romaine lettuce (guess I forgot to buy fibrous veggies this week!)
M5: Cottage Cheese

Photos of the house will be coming soon. I have no idea where the camera is!

Monday, May 01, 2006

Personal Best Challenge – Day 1

I don’t have much time to update, but today was Day 1 of my 12-Week Personal Best Challenge. Workout was an hour of steady state cardio – my shins are hurting from last week’s measly HIIT session - so didn't want to risk running yet. Must be time for new shoes.

Diet for today has been pretty boring, but it’s been a busy day and it was a hectic morning so I didn’t have time to do anything other than throw a couple things in a bag and run out the door.

M1: oatmeal, protein
M2: banana, cottage cheese
M3: oatmeal, protein
M4: tuna, apple
M5: chicken breast, romaine lettuce with oil and vinegar
M6: protein shake

It was another exhausting and busy weekend… but at least the weather was beautiful.

WARNING: If you ever drink any EAS RTD's, please smell before taking a sip. My boss got a bad one today and retched right in front of me. He called EAS worried that the shake had been tampered with - it had a caustic, acidic odor and taste. Apparently this happens a lot and the EAS rep said the RTD was most likely compromised during shipment and bacteria was allowed to enter. HOLY. CRAP. The smell is seared into my brain forever.